Life in the Devil's Nest
by Wesker888
Summary: Basically describes life in Greed's hangout. Told mostly through Marta's POV but it's a group story. DISCONTINUED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE
1. A Day of Pool Balls and Coffee

Life in the Devil's Nest

Disclaimer: Don't own Greed or any of the chimera guys.

Yay.

* * *

Marta was lounging on the couch, writing in her journal, recording the lives and going-ons with the group.

It was the fourth day since they had busted out of Laboratory 5 with Greed and so far, they were enjoying the good life. True, they hadn't left their bar, the Devil's Nest, at all since they had arrived, but at least they didn't have Hakuro or Gran breathing down their necks, or doctors experimenting on them. Just sweet, sweet, uninterrupted relaxation. Bliss.

The other chimeras were all busy doing their normal routines. Right now, Law and Dorochet were playing a game of pool (they did that often), Kimblee was sipping through his sixth cup of java, Biddo was helping himself to the fridge, and Tucker- well, she really didn't know _where_ Tucker was. That guy spent more time MIA than the others did.

And Greed? Oh, he was upstairs somewhere, with a bottle of booze and probably a woman or two. He did that often. She'd be pissed, but seeing as how she owed him her life, she let it go.

Suddenly, something smacked her in the head, bounced off, and landed in Kimblee's coffee, splattering everywhere- including his face. Stars clouded Marta's vision as she sunk to the floor, dazed. She shook her head and threw a glare over at the pool table. Law pointed to Dorochet, who was smiling and waving.

"H-h-hey, Marta," the dog chimera said shakily, "wha-what's up?"

A clap of the hands brought everyone's attention to Kimblee, who had a 4 ball in his hand.

"This yours?" The Crimson Alchemist asked, throwing the ball to them. Dorochet, like the eager dog he was, stood under it and caught it in his teeth.

BOOM!

The ball exploded in Dorochet's mouth, covering him in ash. Marta and Law sweat dropped. Biddo was howling with laughter.

"Hee hee! Very nicely done, Mad Bomber!" he proclaimed.

"What the hell is going on down here?"

Great. The boss decided to pick _now_ to show up. He took one look around the room, which Marta now noticed was also covered in scorch marks. He put his kick-ass shades on and looked at Kimblee, who was brewing some more coffee.

"Kimblee, you wanna explain this?" Greed asked.

"Not particularly. Why don't you ask Lassie over there?" Kimblee thumbed over to Dorochet, who hadn't bunched an inch since the thing had exploded.

"Dorochet scratched and the ball went flying into Kimblee's coffee," Law explained to the homunculus, "so Kimblee decided to blow the ball up."

"Perfect. Now we've gotta get a new- what number ball was it?"

"4."

"A new 4 ball. Christ, someone remind me never to buy coffee again."

Greed went over to the bar and poured himself a glass of vodka. Draining it, then the entire bottle, each in a single gulp, he set them down, jumped over the couch, and sat down, propping his legs on the table.

Greed was an interesting "person". For someone who's been asleep for 140 years, he was lazy as hell. Honestly, Marta sometimes wondered why that bitch Dante didn't name him "Sloth" instead.

She sighed and went over to the fridge to grab an icepack for her throbbing head. Biddo snickered. The snake chimera ignored the little imp.

"Don't press too hard there, pretty," the gecko shrilled.

That did it. _No one_ called her that.

Next thing anyone knew, Biddo was yelling for someone to get his head out of the wall. Law smirked, grabbed his hammer, and smashed it into the chimera's backside. There was a huge hole in the wall. The gecko chimera's head popped up, stunned, soon turned into hysterical laughter. Greed sighed. Freak.

Marta, ice pack on head, sat back down on her perch, picked up the journal and went back to her recording:

_Overall, what we have here is a bar full of loonies. The boss is lounging on the couch; my two comrades are playing pool, one ball short. That state alchemist is going through coffee like a baseball player on steroids, and the lizard is laughing what's left of his head off. I swear, sometimes I think Tucker's the only sane one here, and he doesn't even show himself to anyone. Yet, even with all of this, I'm glad to be here with them than back in that lab alone._

_Life is pretty good._

SMACK!

"DAMN IT, DOROCHET!"

* * *

Yeah, not that good. Hopefully will get better.

Review- if you wanna.


	2. Supermarket Chaos

Life in the Devil's Nest

Chapter two. Yay!

Read disclaimer in 1st chapter, 'cause I'm not doing it again.

* * *

Chapter Two: Supermarket Chaos

"GREED!" Kimblee called, "we're outta coffee again."

Greed was flipping through the channels of the T.V. when that damned State Alchemist called out the dreaded warning- no coffee. Kimblee without coffee was like Biddo without… whatever he had that made him so hyper all day. The Ultimate Shield sighed.

"Well, maybe if you didn't drink twenty cups of the stuff a _day_, we wouldn't be out again," he called back into the kitchen, continuing the flipping.

"Hey, I liked that show!" Dorochet whined.

"Got bad reviews," Greed simply answered.

"Why do we only have twelve channels? Can't we, like, get more?" asked Marta.

"Then, dear friend, I'd have to pay for it. And I really don't feel like paying for this hunk of techno crap," the homunculus told her, "nor do I feel like paying for the coffee. Kimblee," he called back to the kitchen, "if you want coffee, head to the supermarket and get some more."

"Can't. They won't let me back in there after what happened to the clerk I "debated" with."

_When the hell did that happen?_ Marta thought.

"Fine. Dorochet, you go."

The dog chimera's head snapped over to the boss, who decided that the T.V. not showing any good shows just to piss him off and turned it off, meaning to go to bed. "Why the hell do _I _have to go?"

"Because you're fast. You'd be in and out of there. While you're at it, get another ball for that damned pool table. Use your own money and bring someone else along, if it'll make you feel better. Get going."

Dorochet could've interrupted at any time during that speech, but as he was still in shock by the fact that it would be his first time leaving the Nest since he had arrived here, he didn't. When he finally did regain his composure, however, the boss had already retreated to his dorm. Dorochet stamped his foot.

"Man, _now_ what am I gonna do?" he asked to no one in particular.

"Just bring someone with you," suggested Marta.

"Like who?"

"How about Law?"

"He's busy training right now."

"OK. What about Biddo?"

"Too creepy to be around."

"Tucker?"

"Have you actually seen Tucker around _at all_ in the past week?"

Marta sighed. There was only one obvious choice left.

"Fine. I'll go with you."

Dorochet looked at her like a puppy who had just found a new owner that treated it to ice cream every night. He grinned gleefully.

"Thanks Marta! I'll go get my money," and he was off in a flash.

_This is gonna be pure hell._

8888888

Marta reached out and examined the milk.

"Hey Dorochet, do we need more milk?" she called out to her comrade.

"Uh… yeah, maybe. I dunno," the swordsman called back, looking at the rare steaks that were on sale. Marta followed his gaze.

"Huh-uh. No way. Not after what happened last time," she said, memories of the dinner party they had had the first night at the Nest and the tenderloin Greed had gotten for them. The disaster involved Dorochet, the meat, Greed's jacket, red stains that were permanently fixed to the dining room, and a very large crap-pile in the corner.

"I'll go outside this time, I promise," he whined.

"No."

"But Martaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

"NO!"

"M'am, sir, please!" the man at the counter insisted. Both chimeras walked away, the dog whimpering as though he had just been kicked.

They went about the store, picking up this and that. It amazed Marta that, as she went, she realized just how many things the chimeras really needed. She grabbed things she didn't even know existed but looked good for her cooking. She grabbed thirty bags of coffee. This should keep that stupid alchemist happy for another month. Unless he decided to set a record for most coffee drunk in a month.

Not her problem, in any case.

She went up to the counter and placed all of her items onto the stand.

"134.98."

Marta's jaw dropped. That much for… then she realized just how much stuff she had bought. Fuming and muttering to herself, she reached into her pocket and took out the credit card Greed had stolen from some old lady a few days back and put in on the counter.

Oh well, she thought, it couldn't get much worse.

"Sir, what are you…?"

"AIEEE!"

"FIRE!"

Aw. _Crap_.

"Dorochet!" The pissed off snake chimera yelled. Dorochet came three seconds later, looking scared, an extremely angry mob behind him. He grabbed his comrade's arm.

"We're done. Let's go," he panted.

"I gotta bag the food."

Dorochet took a look at the five bags that were filled to the brim and the rest still waiting to be bagged. His eyes went wide.

"WHY THE HELL DID YOU BUY ALL THIS FOOD?" he shouted, "I THOUGHT ALL WE WERE GETTING WAS COFFEE!"

"YEAH, THEN I REALIZED ALL THE OTHER STUFF WE NEEDED AS WELL!" she yelled back.

"CRAP!"

Sirens were getting louder. Dorochet began grabbing the food and throwing it into a cart, with Marta protesting loudly. Cops and fireman and- to both of their horror- soldiers burst in, hoses and guns ready.

"Oh, give-me-a-freaking-BREAK!" Dorochet yelled, grabbing Marta and throwing her into the cart too. Then he gave it a running start and jumped in too.

The cart did 85 mph into the crowd. Bullets, water, and some blood from unconscious civilians went everywhere as the cart raced off and vanished.

888888888

BAM!

The door to the Devil's Nest was kicked open, revealing eleven bags of groceries and an extremely pissed off snake chimera, pushing the cart in. Law and Biddo looked hungrily at all the food she had gotten. Greed, an arm around a woman each, looked nonchalantly at her.

"What happened to you?" he asked. Looking at her messed up state.

She walked right up to his face and glared. If Greed weren't immortal, he would've pissed himself right then.

"_Never… again_!" she said sternly, before turning and marching up the stairs to her room. There was a loud BANG as the door slammed shut behind her.

Kimblee dug through and grinned at all the coffee she had gotten. Biddo started putting items in the cupboards and fridge, cackling as he went. Law got out the meat when he suddenly noticed the problem.

"Wait… where's Dorochet?"

A painful moan came from the door. All four heads turned to behold Dorochet, with a black eye and something small and round lodged in his mouth. Law walked over and yanked it out, causing his friend to collapse.

"What is it?" Biddo asked.

"It's… a new 4 ball," Law looked at it quizzingly, then at Dorochet, who was getting up off the floor. "What happened?"

The dog chimera flopped down into his chair with a sigh. "Well…"

Flashback

Dorochet had finally torn his gaze away from those beautiful steaks and was puzzling over a mini-oven. On it were fried eggs and next to it was a cookbook.

_Was someone giving a demonstration?_ was what went through the chimera's mind. Seeing no one around, he poked the grill a few times, then shrugged and decided to give it a try.

He snuck over and grabbed one of the steaks from the rack. He placed it on the grill and turned it on. Occasionally, he flipped it over so all of it was a good brownish-black. The way he liked it.

"Sir, what are you doing?"

The manager. Dorochet jumped up and accidentally knocked the cookbook into the fire.

What happened next was confusing at best. The cookbook caught fire and burnt the steak badly. Dorochet tried to blow out the flames, but for some bizarre reason completely oblivious to him, the flames leapt onto the table. In a desperate attempt to put it out, he grabbed a jar of what he thought was water and began dumping it onto the fire. By this time, a large crowd had gathered around. The manager looked worried.

"Sir, what are you…?"

WHOOSH! The flames burst even larger, spreading through the entire area. People were screaming.

"AIEEE!"

"FIRE!"

Dorochet looked puzzled and examined the bottle:

**Inflammable Gasoline.**

"Aw, _man_," he sighed, the crowd gathering around him angrily.

"Dorochet!" he heard Marta's angry voice calling him.

_Better late than never_, he thought, running off, the crowd right behind him.

After the hell of getting Marta and himself out of there with the food all in one piece, they stopped at a mini-store long enough for Dorochet to pick up a new ball for the pool table. He walked back out and pushed the cart again. It was only a mile and a half to the Devil's Nest from here. It was then he noticed that his friend looked very angry.

"Um… what's up?"

WHACK!

Marta grabbed the ball and shoved it down his mouth, then punched him in the eye. She continued to wheel the cart as Dorochet, only half conscious, dragged after her.

end flashback

Biddo roared with laughter as Greed and Law snickered. Dorochet pushed an ice pack onto his head, fuming.

"It's not funny. I swear to God, Kimblee, you'd better make that coffee last a while, 'cause there is no way in _hell_ I'm going back out there," he said.

"Yeah, yeah," the Crimson Alchemist looked through the bags, frowned, and asked:

"Hey, where's the milk?"

* * *

I've actually had that story happen to me.

…. Marta's half. Not Dorochet's.

I'm starting to like this fic, even if these guys are kinda out of character. But I wanted to do a Greed-fic because I rarely see Biddo or Tucker in any of them, it's like they never existed. And I… just wanted to.

Also, for those who don't know, Biddo's that little gecko guy that was hanging out with Kimblee at the end of "Assault on Southern Headquarters" and other episodes. For some reason, they never used his name in the anime.

Review please.


	3. A Day in the Park

Life in the Devil's Nest

Chapter three up.

Yeah, it gets difficult to come up with a new random spoof at a whim, so this one took a lot of thought and prep. I am making this story up as I go.

In regards to the Kimblee-coffee thing- at first, I thought it was just a random thing popping up in a fanfic. But then I noticed that it was pretty much an on-going joke around here (may have been in anime- again, have not seen all episodes), so I figured it was OK to use.

Read disclaimer in 1st chapter, 'cause yet again, I'm not going there again.

* * *

Chapter Three: A Day at the Park

Greed sat on the bench and leaned back, gazing up into the sun while Law and Kimblee rested under a tree, the latter with his hands behind his head.

After a week had passed and the cops gave up the search for Marta and Dorochet, they decided to all take a chill day at the park. Everyone came- Greed, Marta, Law, Dorochet, Kimblee, Biddo, and –to everyone's surprise- Shou Tucker, dressed in his trench coat and hat so no one would see him for the freak he was. He sat down next to Greed and looked toward the lake.

"Nice day today," he whispered. That's all the guy did- whenever he spoke, it was in a whisper. He never spoke above that, never normal. Sometimes Greed wondered if he even knew _how_ to.

"Yeah, I guess." the homunculus sighed, putting his sunglasses on, "Where are the others?"

"The lizard person with the annoying attitude is over at the lake talking to his amphibious brethren. I don't have a clue as to where the other two are," the former alchemist said.

"Uh-oh. He better not be trying to apologize again," Law said, "last time he tried, he ended up with his plate jammed down his throat."

"Poor kid just doesn't know how to talk to women," smirked Kimblee.

"Not true, in essence. He was quite the womanizer back in his soldier days. He has no problem talking to them… _apologizing_ to them is another matter."

Meanwhile, several yards away, Dorochet was indeed trying to apologize for the episode at the supermarket. Marta, however, didn't want to hear it.

"Marta, come on-"

"Go away."

"You didn't even hear my side! OK, so there I was, minding my own business, when there was this stove, see? And it was some sort of demonstration and I decided to give it a go and then… well, I'm still not entirely sure _how_ the damn thing caught fire… but they completely overreacted, I mean… who the hell just leaves a goddam stove just sitting there? Freakin' idiot's the one to blame!"

"He didn't tell you to burn the place down, did he?"

"……………………………………… No."

Marta stretched her arms and swung herself onto the nearest branch to avoid him completely. Since dogs couldn't climb, and everything. But this was one stubborn bitch. Marta could hear him grunting and groaning as he climbed up to her.

"Martaaaaaaaa! Come on! You're the only one I can talk to that isn't completely insane in this nutfarm! I need you to talk to me again! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease!"

Marta looked at Dorochet, who was using the puppy face. God, she hated that face. No matter what mood she was in, she always couldn't help but crack a grin at it. Now included.

"OK, fine," she sighed, finally giving in, "but do it again, and you can just forget about it."

"Thanks Marta! I swear, I'll be goo-AAAH!" Dorochet had tried to go in for the hug, but slipped and fell to the bottom of the tree. The snake chimera laughed.

Meanwhile, Biddo had gotten bored of talking to his friends and was now walking through the park. In his tattered cloak's pocket, he had some comp-B he had stolen from Lab 5 during their escape. And right now, he was just looking around for things he could blow it up with.

He soon found his chance. Dead ahead of him were two old ladies, their purses out in the open, calling his name. And he was born to answer that call.

With the power of the lizards that he had been given by those dear bastards at the labs, he grabbed a hold of the tree and used the stickiness of his fingertips and toes to climb up it and under the branch looming above the old hags. He looked down at the unsuspecting grannies and snickered his psychotic snicker.

From his seat, Greed saw Biddo in the tree over the two ancients. He cocked his head and lowered his glasses a bit.

"What is that idiot doing?" he asked.

"Knowing Biddo, something bad," sighed Law.

From their perch in the tree, Marta also saw the lizard chimera over the ladies.

"What's that idiot doing?" she demanded exasperated.

Dorochet didn't answer. He was still dazed from the fall.

Biddo packed together the demo and lit them. He held both of them in each hand and, using his tail as a grapple, swung upside down, looking straight ahead, his maniacal grin spread all over his face.

"Bombs away," he snickered, dropping both bombs, which, surprisingly enough landed in each bag respectfully.

**BOOOOOOOOOM**! **BOOOOOOOOOOM**!

Both bags blew up at the same time, scaring the crap out of the two old ladies and blowing the little gecko out of the tree and into the bushes near-by. He sat up, smoking ashen face, and then burst out in hysterical laughter.

Greed sweat-dropped, Law's eyes turned into two little black dots, and Tucker just sighed. Kimblee grinned as the two bitches screamed bloody murder and ran to the nearest phone booth to probably call the cops.

Or the army.

Either way, it was fair to say the trip was over.

Marta's eyes turned into little black dots AND sweat- dropped. Dorochet was just bug-eyed, mouth largely agape. So it was that Biddo found them like that, brushing the debris off his tattered outfit. His head went from Marta in the tree to Dorochet on the ground, both frozen in their expressions.

"Um… what's up?" he squeaked.

Marta and Dorochet both fell head-first onto the ground (the former from the tree) and lay with their legs in the air, feet twitching. Biddo sweat- dropped.

88888

By the end of the day, the homunculus, the former alchemist, and the five chimeras began their long walk home. Greed, his hands behind his head, sighed.

"Well, today certainly turned out… interesting," he said.

Law nodded as he remembered the little "incident" they had had just a few hours ago.

"_flashback_"

Greed glared at Biddo as he, Marta, and Dorochet staggered back over to camp.

"You're a moron," he told him.

"What? Boss, I was just having fun!" Biddo howled.

"I'm not even gonna respond to that," the Ultimate Shield turned to the other two, "so, I see you made up."

Marta shrugged. Dorochet scratched his head with his foot.

Suddenly-

"WHEEEEE-OOOOOO! WHEEEEEEE-OOOOOOOO!"

Police sirens filled the air. Squad cars soon flooded the field, with cops getting out and quickly surrounding the Devil's Nest gang. Guns were pointed at them.

"FREEZE!" they all screamed, but it really wasn't necessary- they were all way too lazy to actually care about moving.

Suddenly, the two old wenches, still covered in soot, came over and pointed at Biddo.

"That's the guy! He blew up our purses!" one of them screamed shrilly.

Six pairs of eyes immediately turned glaring to Biddo, who sweat-dropped and began rubbing the back of his head, a guilty giggle emitting from his mouth.

"Hey!" a cop yelled, making the chimeras turn again, "That's the guy who burned down the supermarket last week!"

Marta groaned. Dorochet looked up at the sky, as if up at God.

"I can't win… I _just can't win_," he said helplessly, hands raising weakly to mid-body and then falling.

"GET 'EM!" The leader yelled, opening up with a handgun. The other cops fired everything they had in their clips. The group of fugitives was soon engulfed in a large cloud of smoke.

Finally, the shooting stopped. The chief stood up and eagerly awaited the clearing of the smoke.

When it did, however, his mouth dropped.

Greed had gone into Ultimate Shield mode and was now engulfed in his carbonized skin, protecting the others from the bullets. He reverted back into his original form and gave the cops his classic "Greed grin".

Before the officers had a chance to reload, Marta, Law, and Dorochet were on the attack. Dorochet sliced his way through a couple of them as Marta brought her knife into two more and stretched her arm to punch another. Law's hammer went into play, cracking quite a few heads and busting several ribs with its powerful swing. The cops never stood a chance under this tremendous onslaught.

This gave Biddo and Tucker a chance to run for it. Greed made his way past the chaos, then whistled for the others to follow. They did, and the remaining cops picked themselves off the floor, bruised and bloody.

"Come on, guys, to the cars."

"Sorry, gentlemen," they turned to find Kimblee patting the cars, "but the rides are… _out of service_ today."

**BOOOOOOOM**!

"_end flashback_"

"Yeah, well, at least it wasn't my fault this time," Dorochet grumbled, arms folded.

"Indeed," Greed shot another glare towards the tiny lizard chimera, "Biddo, you're actions today almost cost us another trip to the labs. Have you anything to say for yourself?"

"Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm…………." You could tell that Biddo was really thinking about this one. He was scratching his head, chewing his nails, his tail hit the ground like Dorochet's foot did whenever he was excited. Finally, he said:

"I shoulda brought more comp-B?"

He woke up eleven hours later in a dumpster, covered in old pizza boxes and banana peels.

* * *

Yeah, finally out.

An extremely anime chapter, if I do say. And we saw the "Ultimate Shield" come into play.

I sincerely apologize if these characters are extremely OC, and if this story doesn't make too much sense, but I'll say it again, in regards to the planning for this story…

I am making this up as I go.

That's all. Review please.


	4. Author's Note

Yeah, uh… this isn't really a chapter.

I… know this sounds stupid, but… I need ideas. If anyone has a story or event they would like to take place, however stupid or idiotic it may seem (hell, this story is all about that), send it in and I'll see if I can work it in there. See, I figure if I do this, then there will be more updates and less waiting, y'know? So… gimme your best shot.

Thanks for your co-op. See ya later.


	5. A Dream in Another Tongue

Life in the Devil's Nest

Chapter Five up.

Well, I didn't get as many ideas as I had hoped, but one thing that got tossed around a bit was having them all have weird dreams. So, for the next four or five chapters, I'm gonna have them all have a bunch of weird dreams.

There's no limit yet as to how long this story'll be, so it's not a complete waste of chapters.

This chapter will be Dorochet. Enjoy.

* * *

Chapter Five: A Dream in Another Tongue_Dorochet et Marta saltabant. Dorochet in occulos Marta spectabat. Denique, suspiravit._

_"Quid agis?" Dorochet rogavit._

_"Non hoc accipere possum." respondit Dorochet._

_"Quid non accipere potes?"_

_"...Te amo."_

_"...eh? Me amas?"_

_"Te amo. Et non in via amica, quamquam cogito amicos bonos sumus. Et non in male amor canis, quamquam scio hoc appellabis. Te amo. Simplissime, verissime. Tu es epitome omnium quaeseram in alio homine. Et scio te mei putas amicum, et transitus illa linea est ultimam rem ex optione consideraveras. Sed hoc loqui debui. Non hoc accipere possum. Non stare tecum possum sine cupiente te amplecti. Non in occulos tuos spectare possum sine sentiente illa sententia vilium fabularum. Loqui tecum non possum sine cupiente exprimere amor meus tibi omnibus tu es. Et scio hoc amicitia nostra delet, sed loqui hoc debui, quod nunquam praesenseram hanc viam, et nil moror. Amo qui sum quod huius. Et si hoc in lucem proferens significat nos non videbimus, illud me dolet. Sed a Deo, non permisero alius dies praeterire sine exeunte, neglegens exitus..."_

_Dorochet in facie Marta spectabat. Marta stupebat. Dorochet tum prorogabat:_

_"...cuius, a vultu yuo, erit inevitabilis petitus ad minime."_

_Dorochet suspiravit graviter, et prorogabat:_

_"Et, tu scis, illud accipiam. Sed scio, SCIO aliquis pars tui per momentum dubitat, et si est momentum dubitationis, significat aliquid sentis etiam. Omnis rogo, sis, non id dimitte, et tempta in eo habitare per decem momenta. Marta, non et alia anima in sidere errante hoc quae me facerat in dimidum hominem sum quando sum tecum, et in discrimen obtulero hanc amicitiam pro casu capere eam ad planitiem proximam. Quod est setentia bona inter nos. Non illud negare potes. Etsi, scis, nunquam nos loquimur post hanc noctem, sis sci sum semper mutatum quod cuius tu es et quid me significabas. Et, quamquam hoc a te non intellectum erit, non egeo pictura anatum me adiuvare te meminisse."_

_Haec ultima verba Marta commovit. Marta Tomem cum occulos magnos stupebat. Aversit et abiit. Dorochet eam spectabat. Amicus Tomis Andrus processit._

_"Quid agis?" rogavit._

_"Veritas dixi. Eam timui." Dorochet respondit._

_"Ubi iit?"_

_"Ad balineum. Puto eam plorare."_

_"Non cruciaris. Puellae plorare amant quando putant. Specta, advenit."_

_Marta dos pueros processit. Ante Tomem stetit. Eum manu ferit trans faciem. Tum eum basiavit firme in labia._

_"Gratias tibi ago." Marta Tomi in aurem insusurravit._

_Andrus scaenam spectavit, occulos suos clausit, et conlapsus est._

88888

Dorochet threw himself awake as the dream ended like that.

"Son of a BITCH!" he said, "Did… I just dream that entire thing… in _Latin_?"

He sat in his bed for a good forty minutes just pondering it.

"Christ… I didn't even know I _knew_ Latin," he said finally.

And he went back to sleep, deciding to just deal with it in the morning.

* * *

Stole that from my friend. I don't think he'll mind. 

The beauty of it- most of you can't read it. My friend says he got it off a movie and translated it to Latin, so if anyone can figure out what movie it's from… tell me. Please.

That's all.

Review please.


	6. A Dream Worth Having

Life in the Devil's Nest

Chapter Six up.

Well, hopefully, you all enjoyed last chapter (even if you didn't get it). I didn't get many reviews for it, so I dunno…

This chapter'll be Kimblee's. Enjoy.

* * *

Chapter Six: A Dream Worth Enjoying

_Kimblee looked around at all the people. All the scared, sweating looking people trapped in the field. Endless amounts of people, gigantic hordes. Ishbalans, Northerners, Liorites, people from Xenotime, people from Dabris, and, of course, military personnel._

"Kimblee_"_

_A voice from above called to him. The clouds parted and a beam of light landed upon him. Kimblee looked up towards where the part in the clouds was._

"Kimblee… thou hast been a good servant…"

_The Crimson Alchemist blinked. "God?" he asked. Impossible. There was no such thing as God._

"Yes, Kimblee," _the voice answered, _"God hath seen you act in my name and God is pleased."

"…_But… you don't exist…" Kimblee pointed out._

"Oh? So who was it that offered you freedom from Laboratory 5 that night?"

"… _um……… Greed?"_

"NO!" _the voice thundered, so loudly that the Earth shook at Kimblee's feet. He held himself up by wrapping his arms around a tree._

"_Alright, alright, you exist already!" he hollered. The rumbling stopped._

"Now, as a reward for thy service, thou are being given… an unlimited amount of sacrifices."

_The Mad Bomber blinked again, then it dawned on him. He looked back on all of those people, just standing there._

_Like giant hand grenades without the pins._

"_All these people… are for me?"_

"Yes, in reward for killing in My name, I give unto you these people. Go now, and see pleasure in that which you love."

"_YES!... wait a minute, I thought you were all about 'peace on Earth, good will towards men?'" Kimblee was starting to get skeptical._

"No, you're thinking about Santa Claus."

"…_Oh."_

"Be at peace, Zolf. Do not disobey me."

_That was the last he heard of the voice, as the beam of light retreated back unto the Heavens, and the clouds formed back together._

_Kimblee stood there for a few minutes, trying to figure out exactly what had happened. It seemed _waaay_ too convenient to be true. But here he was, in a field surrounded by people, all asking to be blown up._

_He grinned._

_What the hell? God may be a fruit, but this was just too good an opportunity to pass up._

_With a wild cry, he ran down and grabbed the first person he saw, which, lucky for him, was a particularly fat man. He pressed his hands against the lard ass's gut. Within mere seconds, he was jerking and spasming, a sure sign that all hell was about to break loose. Grinning, Kimblee threw the man towards the rest of the crowd, who was doing their best to try and get away._

_BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!_

_In mere seconds, the once peaceful valley was filled with explosions and a crapload of blood. People were running and screaming, but no matter where they ran to, someone would explode and send shrapnel piercing through the ranks. And in the middle, on a raised peace of earth, stood Kimblee, laughing as he had done long ago in Ishbal, laughing at his own pure amusement._

"_Kimblee… Kimblee…"_

88888

"Kimblee… KIMBLEE!"

Kimblee jerked awake. "Whozzawhuh?" he proclaimed.

Biddo put the stick down. The little gecko chimera looked tired, annoyed, and… _wet_?

"You're drooling up a river up here. Whatever you're dreaming of, keep it controlled, will ya?" he asked, then went back down to the bottom bunk.

Kimblee sat there, remembering his dream. Or was it? It seemed to be too good to be a dream…

He peered over upside down to the bottom bunk. Biddo looked up at him with tired eyes.

"Alright, Gecko, before you sleep, I need to know: Was I ever chosen by God and taken to a valley and told I could kill to my hearts desire and then I blew up fifty-seven people with a single fatso and then began a new killing spree?" he asked, all in two breaths.

There was a long, barren pause.

"OK, Kimblee, I think you really need to watch your caffeine intake. It's not doing you any favors," Biddo replied, before drifting off to sleep.

Lying back down, Kimblee laid back down, chuckling for how ridiculous he must've been.

"Heh… like _God_ actually exists…" he thought. Really, it was a stupid, idiotic dream.

_Oh well_, he thought, as he drifted off to sleep. _It was a dream worth having._

* * *

I wrote that all in one night. Sick.

I don't know if God exists or not. I'm agnostic.

Just for the record.

Review please.


	7. A Wet Dream

Life in the Devil's Nest

Chappie numero siente.

This is Biddo's dream. You can just imagine how this one ends.

Before I begin: The first part of the dream, he's not a chimera, he's as he used to be. When the dream goes into part 2 (don't worry; I'm positive you're all smart enough to figure out when that is), he's a chimera again.

So there's no confusion.

Enjoy:

* * *

Chapter Seven: A "Wet" Dream (No, Not Like _That_)

_Those two babes were standing there, practically beckoning him to come join them. Biddo licked his hands, pushed them through his hair to slick it back, then confidently strutted over to them._

"_Afternoon, ladies," he said, voice nice and suave._

"_Hey there," the blonde one replied back._

"_What's a couple of lovely ladies doing out here this fine day?" Biddo asked flirtatiously._

"_We're new in town, and we're trying to find the beach," the brunette asked._

"_Well, look no further," said Biddo, "Beach is right down here. May I walk with you?"_

"_Oh, thank you," the blonde said sweetly, "Gosh, you're so-"_

_But what exactly he was, she didn't answer. For at that exact moment, she seemed transfixed on something behind him. Her expression changed from one of a flirtatious slut to that of a scared child. Biddo looked on confused. He couldn't, for the life of him, figure out why she looked freaked out._

"_Um… lady? You-?"_

_Before he could speak, she pointed behind him and screamed bloody murder. Her friend looked in her direction and did likewise. Biddo turned around and nearly pissed himself._

_A giant tidal wave from the beach, it must've been about sixty feet high, so high it touched the sky (hey, that rhymed!) and threatened to engulf them all. The two women gave one last shriek and went off, looking for some sort of last-minute comfort._

_For Biddo, the dream shifted gears. The sunny weather turned cloudy, the blue sky turned red. The buildings were already looking near destroyed. He sped on all fours through the streets of the city, looking for some unknown sanctuary._

_He found it in the tallest building in the city. The wave was coming in fast. With no other option, he pressed his hands and feet against the building and climbed as fast as his suctioned hands could move him._

_He positioned himself on the tip of the spike thingy that stuck out on top of the building. Smug by his supposed genius, he turned to see the wave kill everyone _but _him._

_His eyes grew wide and he gulped._

_He was as high up as he could go, and it was _still _taller than him. He looked around, seeing what else he could do, but before he could give it another moment's thought, it hit._

_What happened next was like a blur of memory for him. He was twisting and turning through the hazardous waters, struggling to get to the surface, but the stronghold on him was just too much. Then he was sinking, spinning like the tornado thingy that forms whenever you pull the drain to bathwater. He stretched out towards the sun, trying to get to the surface, but the farther he stretched, the farther away it got, then, darkness overtook him and…_

-----

And he woke up.

Gasping, panting for breath, he lay in his bed, trying to figure out what had just happened… and why he felt so wet.

He patted the top of his head and felt the wetness. He whimpered.

"Oh God," he moaned, "It wasn't a dream, was it?"

_plunk!_

A drop of water landed on his head. Startled, he looked up. The drop seemed to have come from above, in the top bunk. He crawled up-

And found Kimblee, fast asleep, clutching his pillow. Saliva saturating the bed so much it was like putting a piece of bread in the overflowing sink. The mattress was so saturated it was sinking down to where Biddo was sleeping, causing what he guessed to be the dramatic shift in his dream.

_What the f-?_ he started shaking his roommate awake, "Kimblee…Kimblee…"

No answer. Biddo shook harder.

"Kimblee…KIMBLEE!"

That did it. Kimblee jerked out of his trance.

"Whozzawhuh?" he said sleepily, staring at him.

"You're drooling up a river up here. Whatever you're dreaming of, keep it controlled, will ya?" _You ruined a good dream, ya prick, _Biddo thought bitterly as he crawled back to his own bed.

But the nights had other plans, as he soon found out as Kimblee stuck his head down, a look of urgency on his face.

"Alright, Gecko, before you sleep, I need to know: Was I ever chosen by God and taken to a valley and told I could kill to my hearts desire and then I blew up fifty-seven people with a single fatso and then began a new killing spree?" he asked, all in two breaths.

_Whaaat?! What in the_ hell _is in that coffee?_ Biddo stared up at him with weary eyes.

"OK, Kimblee, I think you really need to watch your caffeine intake. It's not doing you any favors."

And with that, he laid his head on the pillow, closed his eyes, and tried to salvage what was left of his dream and the two beautiful broads.

* * *

Hope you enjoyed.

Review please!


	8. A Boring Dream

Life in the Devil's Nest

Here's chapter eight.

I yet again apologize for this yet again horrifically long-overdue update. There's no excuse for it this time, seeing as how this is probably the shortest chapter I have ever written in my entire life. Ah, well. That's what I get.

This one's Law's. Inspired by one of the _Calvin and Hobbes_ comics.

Enjoy.

* * *

Chapter Eight: A Boring Dream

_Law looked around at all the gigantic rocks that littered the junkyard. His gigantic hammer rested firmly in his hands. The rocks were just the right size._

"_What a mess," he said to himself. "Guess it's my job to clean it all up."_

_He tenses up, concentrating. As he did, his physical appearance began to change. His hand bones widened and his fingernails grew. His muscles flexed out and grew. His eyes changed to a reddish color and two large horns grew out of his head. He leaned back and let out a loud roar, like that of a bull._

_Which he now, technically, was._

_He roared again and charged right at the first boulder. His horns made contact, and the impact and the amount of force he brought into it caused the large rock to instantly break into a thousand different little pebbles._

_In the blink of an eye, he then grabbed his hammer, brought it around his waist twice, then slammed it into the next rock, again effectively destroying it._

_Twirling the hammer around in his hand, he then brought it straight down into the ground. The force of the giant steel hammer sent a powerful shockwave ripping through the ground, and as a result, six more boulders were annihilated._

_With another roar, Law charged forward towards a long line of rocks and flung his instrument right through them, one by one, not stopping until he was positive he had destroyed every single rock in his path._

_He roared and swung and slammed and smashed and bashed and with the end of each one, something, mostly granite, went flying. He hadn't felt this kind of energy burst in a very long time. It was like he was releasing all of his pent-up anger from all the years he was trapped in Lab 5 out on these stones, just to prove to himself that he was still as kick-ass as he had been in Ishbal._

_And then, there it was. The big one. The biggest, most colossal boulder in that whole group. Calling his name, like a call from God, saying, "Yeah. Try it. I friggin' __**dare**__ you."_

_Pawing his foot into the ground, he snorted, lowering his head so that his horns were pointed straight at the boulder. He roared again, probably his loudest one yet, and he charged. The rock loomed closer…closer…_

-----

Law's eyes suddenly snapped open. He slowly sat up, a blank expression on his face. He sat there, remembering the dream he had just had, every last detail of it. He blinked.

"Did…" he asked himself, now in a disbelieving tone. "Did…I just bore myself…_awake_?"

It was a thought that kept him up for a very, _very_ long time.

* * *

Another one done.

Now, two notes: First, it has come to my attention that Kimblee's dream may be found offensive. I want to state for the record that it was never my intention to offend, ridicule, or humiliate anyone's religious preference. I just used it for good humor. Not to make fun of it.

'Cause remember: Even _God_ has a sense of humor.

Just look at how he made us. We're some funky-ass looking creatures, y'know?

Second- despite this long wait, I still don't have anything definite planned for the last two dreams. If you wanna help, by all means. When I have something, I'll post.

That's all for now. Forgive the long wait for a review? It's just a button away, and it can be as short or as long as you want it to be.

Please?


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